I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
