Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
