But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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