Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she pinky promised me she was 18
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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