Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
