i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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