he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
