Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
only if we run a train.
done.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
