I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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