Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
