Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
