Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
