theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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