I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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