the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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They have beer where we have blood.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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