Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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