Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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