I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
