I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
