If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
