I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
