just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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