I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
