Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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