She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
