My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
