It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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