Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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