He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
