it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
