Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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