Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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