Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i've created a new STD.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
