at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
