Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
