obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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