I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
