I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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