never play flip cup with pint glasses
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
