Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
