Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
