I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
People in love make me want to vomit
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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