I cut my penus on the lid.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
foreskin is a definite game changer
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
