You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
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Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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