he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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