Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
