Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
