my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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