I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
