He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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