he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
