blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
