Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
