He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
