then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
