3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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