Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
